Zombies!
by kerisu
Summary: Artemis and his family go to a small city in America to engage in another buisness scandal, but end up trapped in a town full of zombies. Now he, Butler, Juliet, Holly, Foaly, and a few others must find a way out of the city, before it's too late...rnS
1. Default Chapter

**Zombies!**

**Chapter 1:**

The grand opening of the _Marshall-Edmonton aboveground Healing/emergency help center_ in Shamsdale Maine (or, as it's abbreviated: the MEAHEHC) was supposed to be a significant moment for Foaly. In a way, it was. Foaly had designed, proposed, and regulated the entire project. In fact, he was to be there that very morning, before the grand opening and presentation to the Fairy counsel. As there was no great hurry, he took the underground train, it went under the bottom of the ocean. Foaly was riding the (aptly named) "Ireland-United States Train".

Foaly was halfway through the Pacific, and had been trying for some time to prepare what was going to be his impromptu speech. Leave it to Foaly to _prepare_ for an _impromptu_ speech. Actually, he had been trying to edit most of his jokes. He had to be very careful when addressing the Counsel directly. (It would be his head if he offended anyone.) However, he had a terrible headache. Centaurs weren't meant to be underground, not even Foaly, who felt most comfortable there. Centaurs don't have the adaptation powers that fairies have, and being several miles below the surface, (he's usually only a kilometer, or two) Gave him a headache. He saved his document on his CPC (compact personal computer) took two aspirin, and fell asleep.

Foaly was awoken two hours later by Holly short.

"**_Holly_**?" Foaly said with a start, "Why are you- Where am I? Did I miss my stop?"

"No," Holly answered, "You're in Maine."

"Well, what are _you_ doing here?"

"You called me this morning, remember?"

"How did you get here so quickly?"

"Hummingbirds." Holly pointed to the contraption on her back.

"You still have those?" inquired Foaly, with a hint of indignation.

"Yeah. I still have all of my LEP equipment." Holly told him.

"Yes, I know, and I'm glad- but those are Opal Koboi's invention." Foaly explained in a most casual voice (though Holly could tell he was clearly trying to make her feel guilty of not using the wings her best friend made her).

"Yeah, but it's not like they're cursed or anything, remember, you fixed this pair?" Holly reminded him.

"But only for your immediate safety, and the ones I made are better!"

"Oh?" Holly asked, losing patience, "have you ever used them?"

"I have a pair of my own, yes. It wouldn't fit you, because it's neither your size nor shape, and I haven't used them for above-ground flying…"

Holly stopped. Foaly had a counter-argument to everything, and took it all to the grave… it got pretty annoying sometimes… but when you watch him arguing with someone else (like he used to do with Commander Root) it was freaking hilarious. To Holly, anyway…

Then, Foaly's communicator watch stared beeping. ('cause everyone has a communicator watch- get with the times, man!) and a contracting Dwarf, with a nametag that said "Shawn" appeared on the 1 by 1 inch, 100 digital quality screen.

"We have a Shituation, here, sir!" Shawn shouted "We may need backup!"

"What is it? What's wrong?" Inquired Foaly incredulously. "May I remind you that we have no room for error, …Shawn! If something goes so wrong that it's noticed, then we'll both be out of work."

"I catch ya', Foaly" Shawn said. "It's just one a' the Construction Dwarves… Joey, the plumber. Anyway, he got this bite, an' now he's running around, in a haze tryin' ta' bite anyone around him. We've locked him in this room in the hospital. He hasn't tried to get _out_ or anything. Still just stumblin' around…"

Foaly's eyes widened, and his face lost what little coloration it had to begin with.

"H-has he… **_bitten_** anybody?"

This was when Holly and Shawn started getting creeped out. Foaly could have been over-reacting, he had been under a lot of stress… but then again, maybe he wasn't…

"_No_…" he replied, "Not that I _know_ of, anyway… um, are you al_right_?"

Foaly suddenly regained his senses, and fully woke-up. He turned to Holly.

"This isn't a _joke_, is it?" He had known Holly to do these sorts of things in the past, to either catch him off guard, or just to see the look on his face.

"Well… if it **_is_** a joke, then it's on both of us." Holly told him.

"All of us," said Shawn "I _saw_ the guy with my own eyes… from the other side of the _glass_, of course."

Foaly Gulped. He had a bad feeling about this. He booted his CPC (which is a lot like a cross between a palm pilot and a laptop… only it's much better, 'cause Foaly made it.) and opened the hospital's camera feed.

"What _room_ did you say he was in?"

"I didn't say, but he's in room 209 on the second floor… and apart from myself and the officers guarding the room, he's the only one in the building."

Foaly had begun an activity check 20 seconds before Shawn had told him the room number. The data had surfaced and soon as he finished his sentence and, sure enough, the only activity hotspot in the building was room 209 on the second floor. Foaly zoomed in on the Dwarf, and ran a brainwave scan, a circulatory scan, _and_ a repertory scan on the subject...

"… _uh-oh_…" he whispered.

"_What_?" asked Holly, "What's wrong?"

Foaly slowly moved his eyes from the screen to meet Holly's. He looked her straight in the eye and said clear, moderately-toned voice:

"_We've got **Zombies**_."

* * *

**Author Comments:** I apologize for the crappiness of this chapter, and humbly ask your forgiveness. But I _also_ ask for your comments. _And_ your suggestions. As the summary says, this is sort of like Resident evil: Apocalypse, in the sense that it has the T-Virus and the fact that the citizens are "_Trapped_" behind the city walls, and the fact that they have a limited amount of time to escape before **_The Atomic Bomb_** is dropped on them. There will not be Alice, Nemesis, that other woman, that other guy, that girl, those other guys, **_or_** the guy that died… nope, they won't be here… There won't even be the totally wicked-cool black guy that totally kicked ass… I'm sorry…

_Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	2. Zombies! Chapter 2

**Zombies!**

**Chapter: 2**

Artemis laid back in his limo. He was about to embark on the business journey of a lifetime. An American businessman offered to sell him the formula to a cellular enhancement drug. Artemis had researched it, and found that it _was_, in fact, _he_ who had it. He also found that the drug in question caused rapid cell-regeneration in most humans and animals. So, basically, it could cure anything from AIDs, to cancer. It could even cure **_Ebola_** if administered to the victim in time. With this drug, Artemis would not only receive a _whole 'nother_ fortune, but he would get (at _least_ one) Nobel Prize. Oh, and he could also save the world, end sickness, blah, blah, blah... Artemis grinned. The Nobel Prize would look very good on College applications. Not that he _needed_ it. Ivy league schools from around the world were just _begging_ him to enroll, already.

The seller lived all the way in Shamsdale, Maine, the birthplace of nearly three-hundred renowned horror writers, 124 of which committed suicide. He used this as an excuse to go there, leaving out the drugs part. (Hey, if _you_ were asking your parents to let you go on a trip, would _you_ mention drugs to them? …you would? Well… Let's remember how much smarter Artemis is compared to you all, now…) Artemis's father agreed on one condition, that they went "as a family". So Artemis, Butler, Juliet, Artemis Sr., and Angeline all hopped in their private jet, and flew off to Maine.

Artemis had already formulated a plan to separate himself from his parents during the time his meeting was scheduled. I won't go into detail about it (mostly because it's so complex that it would blow all of your minds beyond repair… so complicated that I could not, in a million years, begin to explain it… because I am absolutely positive that in one million years, I will be dead.), but I **will** say that it involved Juliet, his parents, (obviously) and go-karts. Artemis had been "Grounded" for two weeks since his father caught him reaping profits off of the Bush-Oil scandal. He wasn't allowed to participate in any financial or political activities until the end of the week. Fortunately, his father said **_nothing_** about illegal biogenetic commerce...

I apologize for the length of this chapter (or rather, lack thereof.) and humbly ask your forgiveness. But I _also_ ask for your comments. _And_ your suggestions. And, If any of you have noticed, I've been changing all of my chapters into present-tense… because it's just so much easier that way.

_all characters that have been named in this chapter(except Bush.) are Characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series, and are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such.(George W. Bush, however, is copyright himself) I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books._


	3. Zombies! Chapter 3

**Zombies**

**Chapter 3**

"_Zombies_!" Holly asked incredulously. She found it difficult to suppress her skepticism and amusement.

"No, Seriously!" Said Foaly, trying equally hard to convey the urgency of the situation. "This is bad. This is really bad. Someone has to go down there and shoot him in the head immediately, before things get out of hand!"

When Foaly said this, Holly burst out laughing.

"Shoot him in the head?" she sputtered, "Foaly, you don't _really_ think he's a _zombie_, do you? Zombies are made up! …by _Mud People_, no less!"

"Oh, that's right…" said Foaly quietly, "You weren't there…"

"_There_?" Holly, still grinning, had started to gain interest.

"The year was 1969…" Foaly said dreamily, staring off into space…

_Flash-Back Sequence_

The year was 1969. Foaly was 19 years old. He had progressed quite a bit since he was taken into the LEP experimental observations department about 18.5 years prior. It was about 5:00 PM January 5th. Foaly had just finished his college exams, and was trotting toward the kitchen for some ice cream. He was scooping himself some mint chocolate chip ice cream, when he heard a dull thumping noise at the door, as if something was trying to get in.

Now, the kitchen had the least security installments on that entire floor of that LEP building. (as Foaly lived at the LEP since he was 6 months old, and would not get his own place until he could afford one that suited his fancy.) It could not be locked, and it had one of those push/pull systems. On the outside of the kitchen, the door was clearly labeled: "PULL". Who/whatever was on that side of the door was trying to push themselves in. Foaly crept toward the door.

"Um," said Foaly to whoever was out there, "it says 'Pull'… so, you pull the handle to get in…" The thumping stopped. There was an eerie silence. Foaly put his hand on the door, readied the scooper in the other hand, took a deep breath, and pushed the door open.

The door hit something soft and limp. Foaly looked down. It was Harrison. Harrison Gates. (No relation to Bill Gates.) Foaly held his breath, and lowered his hand to try and check for any vital signs of life, hoping against his own common sense that he was just out cold. Foaly's hand was about an inch from Harrison's shoulder when his eyelids flew open, revealing two reddish-yellow, pupil-less eyes.

"HOLY!" Foaly interjected as he quickly withdrew his hand. Harrison Opened his mouth, and let out a loud, screeching hiss. Foaly sqeaked, and (in his terrified frenzy to get as far away from Harrison in the shortest amount of time), stepped on his head and galloped down the corridor.

"We have a situation, here! If anyone could help, it would be greatly appreciated!" Foaly panted. But no one came to his rescue, on the contrary, more affected elves pushed their way out of doors too follow him, staggering slowly and grunting.

He ducked into an empty room (room D12) which unfortunately for Foaly, was the Virus Testing Facility. He shut and locked the door, and then he took a second to look around. There were broken vials all over the floor, and the faucet was still running. Seth Ferdinand, the head officer of the Virus Testing Division, lay motionless on the floor. Foaly carefully approached him, still wielding the scooper, he put his hand up to his neck. It was cold, with no heartbeat. Foaly became frightened… then he got really frightened when Ferdinand hissed and grabbed his hand.

"AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Foaly screamed and proceeded to beat Seth off with the icecream scooper. "Get Off! What's Wrong With You! Someone HELP!"

Once Seth let go and fell back to the floor, Foaly scuffled up against the wall, trying to feel for something that could improve his situation while he watched Seth intently. His hand reached the handle to a cage of one of the testing animals. Without removing his terrified gaze from Ferdinand, he pulled the cage open, and a fat grey bunny hopped out, wiggling his nose. Foaly continued reaching, as Seth was moaning to his feet, now.

His fingers curled around the handle of a fire extinguisher. He fired the foam directly in Seth's face, which knocked him into a rack of test tubes. Most of those test-tubes were filled with corrosive acids, and burned Seth's flesh. Seth, however, did not notice his burning skin, and instead focused on the foam that blocked his vision.

Foaly then took the empty fire extinguisher, raised it above his head, and began beating Seth's head until he fell, motionless to the ground. Foaly stuffed Seth's body in the bunny's cage and sat/lied down against the door with the bunny and spent the rest of that night petting it. The bunny, however, spent it's time wiggling his little nose.

Twelve hours later, Foaly was woken up by the sound of breaking and entering, "Oh, no! More Zombies!" Foaly muttered to the bunny, still a little sleepily. Just then, a gun was fired no more than 8 feet away from him, and Foaly was fully alert.

"Don't shoot! I'm okay! I didn't do it!" he stood up, the bunny still in hand.

Two men wrapped Ferdinand up in a sanitary blanket and hauled him off to be incinerated while two other men cleaned up the room. One of the men approached Foaly, and without opening the cage, asked him: "Have you been bitten?"

Foaly blinked. "No," he replied, still very shakily, "He's pretty tame, actually…"

"No," said the man, "I mean, have you been bitten by one of the workers?"

Foaly was confused. "No, I haven't been bitten by anyone…"

"Good." Said the man, and he opened the door and led Foaly to the hospital wing to be checked for wounds.

All things considered, the LEP was pretty lucky. It had only lost 12 personnel; 8 of which were zombies, and 4 had been bitten, and therefore needed to be killed. Foaly kept the rabbit and named him Muffins. The pellets the LEP had been feeding him reduced brain activity, but granted it immortality…


	4. Zombies! Chapter 4

**Zombies!**

**Chapter4 (the next chapter will have a title)**

With his plan to distract his parents underway, Artemis made his way to the building described on the company's website. It was three blocks from where they had parked, and as always, he was accompanied by Butler. (They didn't use the limo, as doing so would interfere with their plan) Although the streets were that of a big city Boulevard, they were uncharacteristically empty. (as were the sidewalks) Not a soul could be seen or heard apart from Butler and himself as far as Artemis could see. Which is why it felt a little weird waiting for the crosswalk lights to change when crossing East Sapien street.

Artemis stood outside a large building, 199 Doucheman Blvd., Mr. Clarke's corporation. There were no windows on this, or the North or South sides of the building. There was one tall, thin stone door that, from where Artemis was standing, looked like the only entrance. (But he had a feeling it wasn't… the only entrance, I mean…) Artemis stood in front of the door, (purposely) in the security camera's line of view, and pressed the intercom button. A buzz sounded.

"Please state your full name, and the name of your associate." Asked the clear, rehearsed voice of a young woman who worked there.

"I am Artemis Fowl, and my Associate's name is Butler. I believe we have an appointment."

"Do you have an appointment?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow at the camera.

"Yes, I have. With Mr. Clarke, He- "

"I didn't ask for your life story, kid, just 'yes', or 'no' will be fine. Now, with whom have you scheduled your appointment?"

Artemis felt an urge to reply "No" or "Yes" to he question, but in order to save time, he said; "Mr. Clarke."

"Hmmm… yes, and what were your names again?"

Artemis sighed. So much for saving time. "Artemis, Artemis Fowl." He answered, in the most patient voice he could manage.

"And the other guy?"

"He's Butler."

"Butler who?"

Artemis did not want to give Butler's first name to anybody, in case they tried to do him harm. Up until now he had never needed it. Whenever he had said "Butler" people would immediately know who he was talking about. Artemis, feeling he had stalled long enough, opened his mouth to say something, but the intercom lady beat him to it.

"Like, I mean, is his Name, Butler, or is he Your butler, or just A butler…?"

While Artemis and the intercom played 20 questions with his name, Butler was busy keeping an eye on the so far empty streets. All was clear, until, to his surprise, a man in a midnight blue Armani suit came running up the sidewalk, as if he were trying to escape something. He wore photo grade lenses, though, it was pretty cloudy, so you couldn't really tell, and he carried a suitcase.

"More like _The_ Butler…" Artemis stiffly responded.

"He's like Cher." Said a voice from approximately 2 feet and 8 inches behind him, (Butler stood about 8 inches behind Artemis.) The speaker was a young man, in his early 30's, breathing heavily (but not quite panting) and carrying a suitcase. It was Mr. Clarke, and although a bit sweaty, he seemed to be in good spirits.

"Send 'em in, Cheryl." He told the intercom.

"Okay." It replied, and the tall, thin stone door slid silently down into the ground. The man stepped past Artemis and Butler and into the building. He then turned to Artemis with a smile and said; "Well, Aren't you coming?"


	5. Zombies! Chapter 5

Chapter 5 (the next chapter will have a title...)

James Morganstone made his way to the front of Lt. Chancey's, Military Middle school. The white-haired youth had a note from his father (a real note) telling the board that he would be leaving early. James' father was a crime-lord, and he knew Fowl Sr., in fact, Angeline used to be his girlfriend… he still hadn't quite gotten over that. But enough about him, this isn't his chapter. The last day of Middle School. Thank God. He would be going to a public high school next year, and they don't allow bodyguards there. But they do allow students. (I mean, what kinda' school would they be if they didn't allow students?) And James' current bodyguards just happened to be students. No, they weren't teenagers, (they were in their early twenties) but they dropped out of High school years ago, and were eligible to register as students.

James had an unfortunate habit of "losing" his bodyguards, or forcing them to an early retirement… But these two were different. James met them at the unemployment office while looking for another bodyguard, and as it turned out, that was their last occupation before their boss went crazy. He didn't want to break them up, so he just bought the both of them for the price of one. They were the first bodyguards that actually liked being with James, and wanted to protect him. (and vice versa.)

They weren't very valuable as bodyguards, but James considered Pex and Chips to be his friends… that he paid… Whenever he slipped up and said something stupid, they would still seem enlightened by his wisdom. Also, they were always up for a nice game of Whatever-he-felt-like-playing-at-the-time. They wouldn't judge or criticize him, or tell his father anything, they even said that he was the coolest boss they ever had… It was doing wonders for his self-esteem.

James climbed into the back of a limo where Pex and Chips were waiting for him. Chips was holding a sheet of paper.

"Hi, guys! What's this?" James took the paper from Chips.

"You told us to give it to you when you got outta' school, today." Chips told him.

Written on the paper, in big, bold, easy-to-read letters it said: 'CRAZY SCHEME- Check Planner'. James was pretty sure he remembered what it was. Eagerly, he took his electronic planner out of his pocket, looked at the calendar, and sure enough, in the block labeled 'today', it said: 'Crazy Scheme (press okay for details or to edit)'. He pressed 'okay' and just as he thought, the screen said it was: 'meet-Clarke -in-Maine-for-T-virus-day.'

"Pex!" James commanded,

"Yeah?" answered Pex from the front seat.

"we're gonna' go home, pick up some stuff, an' then we're going on a little trip. And Step on it."

"Right!" Pex enthusiastically replied, and with all his might, he slammed his foot on the accelerator.

"You have to turn the key, Pex." Said James. He was used to this sort of thing by now. And Pex really was getting better at remembering.

"Oh. Right… I knew that…" Pex turned the key, and with a little less enthusiasm, he drove (in the right direction, this time) off.

Once at Morgenstone Manor, James, Pex and Chips gathered up the equipment that they (thought they) needed. The list was as follows: a Very Clear and un-complicated map to Shamsdale, Maine, 3 AK-47s, 2 bazookas, 2 tommy-guns, 50 grenades, 8 ammo-belts, and a cooler filled with 15 bottles of soda.

After James took his medication and changed out of his uniform and into a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, and a long black trench-coat. But then he decided the trench-coat was too dramatic, and put on the jacket that went to his uniform over the t-shirt. He didn't want to come off as pretentious. Then he fed all of his pets (He has a lot of pets. Two ferrets, two sugar-gliders, two dogs, two cats, two rats, two rabbits, two birds, two turtles, two snakes, two lizards… you get the picture. All he needed was an Ark.) tied his brand-new, very thick, white and shiny-blue, expensive sneakers.

Pex and Chips put all the equipment in the trunk of his bright red Hummer (I mean how else are ya' gonna' fit two bazookas anywhere?), which, Ironically, James had covered with Liberal bumper stickers, (_Kerry Edwards '04, When religion controlled the government they called it the Dark Ages, No more Bushit_, etc…) and turned on the CD player (which happened to have Green Day's most recent CD) and drove off in the wrong direction. But James stopped Pex, and told him to turn the map right-side-up, and they sped off toward Shamsdale, Maine.

_all characters that have been named in this chapter (except forJames.) are Characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series, and are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. (James is my own creation) I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books._

I also want to apologize to Artemis, himself, for having to fly to the states Again… (thank you for bringing that to my attention...) We Americans are just assholes that are too damn lazy to go fly over to Ireland for once. (But, actually, it is more expensive to fly to Ireland from America than it is to fly to America from Ireland… really… Or, at least, it's the excuse my parents use when I ask them why we can't ever go to Ireland…)


	6. Zombies! Chapter 6

Zombies!

Chapter 6

Foaly had recounted the whole zombie incident to Holly, who, if she hadn't been who she was, probably wouldn't have believed him.

"So, they killed anyone who had been bitten?"

"Right." Foaly answered, "They had to be, or else they'd turn into Zombies and be compelled to bite other people… It's an infection, sort of…"

"I thought Zombies were beings summoned by necromancers, and that they crawled up from underground."

"So cartoons would have you believe… Those kinds of zombies need to be summoned by a Necromancer, and necromancy has been strictly against the rules since before the 1200's… And we'd be lucky if those were the zombies we were dealing with… Those Zombies are a lot slower, don't infect others and are easy to take down… however… they can keep going if you take off their head, each limb is controlled by the necromancer as the body has no—"

"Alright! I get it now!" Holly interrupted, "but what about the zombies we're dealing with?"

"Well," said Foaly, who had calmed down know and was enjoying sharing his knowledge about zombies to some one who'd listen… or CARE, for that matter… He turned to the screen on his CPC.

"As you can see…" Foaly gestured toward the screen, "um…"

"Where'd it go?" Holly asked. The room with the zombie was empty.

"Shawn?" Foaly beseeched the dwarf, "are you still there?"

"Yeah," replied the dwarf "but that thing bit Jimbo an' he's bleedin' real bad. I managed to knock Phil out." (Phil was the first Zombie) Foaly immediately turned the camera to the guards. One was on the ground, the other was tending to him. All of a sudden, the one on the ground came to, and his partner looked very relieved… that was, until his partner took a huge bite out of his jugular vein.

"Oh, Jimbo! You alright? Can I ge--- AAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE! Nrrrggh… darv'it."

"Oh, shit." Foaly breathed. "We've got to warn the council. There's no way we're going to have the grand opening today."

"Right." Agreed Holly. "You go warn the council while I take out the remaining zombies."

pretty stars.

"What do you mean you've gotten a better offer?" James inquired "You never told me about this!"

"I'm sorry," responded Clarke, "But I have other clients and little time. You understand."

"Understand THIS!" Pex pulled out a Tommy gun and aimed it loosely at Clarke's head.

"Wait!" James held his arm out in front of Pex, and turned back to Clarke. "Who did you sell it to?"

"Sorry, Jimmy my boy, That's classified."

"Oh?" James lowered his arm. "Well that's not very polite, changing plans without telling me and not even telling me who has it now?"

"Yes." Said Chips, raising his sniper rifle. "You should at least tell us that."

"…Alright…" Clarke, starting to sense hostility, revealed to him the name of the T-viruses new owner. "I'm giving it to a kid called Artemis Fowl."

"Giving it?" asked James "You mean you still have it?"

"actually, I have it with me." Clarke said, lifting his suitcase.

James grinned widely, and gave his henchmen and approving nod. Within seconds, Clarke was running up the street for his life.

Everyone mentioned in this Chapter is Copyright Eoin Colfer, except James and Clarke.


	7. Zombies! Chapter 7

**Zombies!**

**Chapter 7**

Foaly emerged from the council room looking as though someone had sucked his soul out through his rear end.

"So…?" asked Holly, "How'd it go?"

"Sool was there."

"and?"

"He told the council that it's my problem, and that I should go down there and fix it, or else I'm fired."

"hmmm, go face a horde of bloodthirsty, flesh-eating zombies, or face the un-employment line?"

Foaly shivered at the latter.

"Don't worry," Holly told him, "I'll go down and help."

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that…"

"fine, then, see ya' later, maybe." She turned around, and waited. She didn't have to wait long, because in two seconds, Foaly spoke up.

"Actually, I was just being polite… I'd rather you came with me…"

"Good," said Holly, "I haven't had a thing to do for weeks."

Foaly grinned, and his ears perked up. "Fantastic! Thank you, Holly! Now; I have some emergency weapons for just such an occasion!" He opened his bag and took out two long precision rifles and two semi-automatic pistols. "These should dissolve any zombies on contact, while registering their information into the gun's hard drive."

"First of all," said Holly said, "Where did that bag come from?"

"The overhead compartment."

"I didn't notice anything…"

"That's because the author forgot to mention it."

"Oh well, still, it's pretty convenient." She took the pistol, and put it in her holster, and secured the rifle on her back. "I guess we should get going…"

Foaly gulped. "Yes, I suppose we should…"

Everything is copyright Eoin Colfer! He pwns it!


	8. Zombies! Chapter 8

Zombies!

Chapter 8

Artemis didn't feel like small talk today, but for some reason, Clarke wouldn't shut up.

"So, how's your family Artemis?"

"Fine, thank you."

"Your father okay?"

"Yes, thank you for your concern."

"So there's no permanent damage from the drugs and sedatives?"

"How do you know about that?"

"School alright?"

"…..yes… it's fine… I guess…"

"Good, good, glad to hear it." Clarke stopped in his tracks in front of a door. (oOoOoh… a door) he took out his keys and opened the door.

"This, Artemis, is what you've come all the way out here for, is it not?" he lifted a plastic vial with two fingers from a sterile case.

"If that is, indeed the T-virus, then yes, that is what I've come here for."

Then, all of a sudden, a knock came at the door.

"I thought this transaction was to be private." Artemis stated, making sure that his voice did not impart the annoyance he was feeling.

"Oh, that's just Dianne, she doesn't know her ear from her elbow, she does have a spectacular looking… resume…" Clarke trailed off, trying to stifle a smile… "Anyway, she won't do any harm, Come in, Dianne!"

The door opened, and in came James and his two henchmen.

"Guess who?" said the white haired boy, grinning.

"I'll give you a hint," Pex started, raising his gun.

"It's not Dinah." Said Chips, raising _his_ gun

"It's Dianne, we're not Dianne, Stupid!" Pex whispered Loudly at Chips.

"I know, that! But we're not Dinah, either!" whispered Chips in his defense.

"Good morning, um… yeah… I don't know you…" James said to Artemis

"My name is Artemis, Artemis Fowl" Artemis replied.

He had a hunch who the white-haired boy was; the son of the infamous Jack Morganstone, Former Billionaire… Former because his lesbian wife had left him after 14 years of marriage… Knowing that he had plenty of information to tease- er- blackmail James if the time ever came up, he knew the first thing that would get to him. The other two, Artemis recognized instantly as Spiro's former henchmen, Pex and Chips.

He had absolutely nothing to worry about.

Clarke pressed the intercom on his desk. "Dianne, did you let these three in here, when I deliberately told you-"

"Um, "Dianne" works for us, now, Mr. Clarke," sneered James, in the most polite sneer he could manage. "And we've given her the rest of the day off."

"She works for you?" Said Clarke, in genuine interest, "Well, she is built for it…"

"Tell me about it. Anyway, the T-Virus, if you please, Mr. Clarke."

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Fowl has already purchased it."

"Well I'll have to steal it from him, then." James said, as casually as possible, "I've always wanted to use this…"

James threw something small and grey to the ground, and it emitted billows of think blackish fog. Artemis heard some giggling, some bumping into things, James saying "No, not that way!", and even Clarke shouting "Hey, that's my face!". Butler held Artemis close the whole time.

When the smoke cleared, everything was as it was… well, except the coat rack was moved a couple feet, the potted plant was on a different surface, and several pens and highlighters were missing… oh, and so was the vial containing the T-Virus.

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	9. Zombies! Chapter 9

Zombies!

Chapter 9

"Oh, Shit!" Swore Mr. Clarke.

Artemis rounded on him "Needless to say, the deal is off. We're leaving, Butler."

Butler opened the door and looked both ways before letting Artemis leave.

"He didn't even lock the door," Said Artemis.

"They didn't even close it," Replied Butler, leading Artemis in hot pursuit of James and his two buffoons. Or so they thought…

The open door slowly creaked shut and behind it were Pex, Chips, and James, grinning from ear to ear.

"I believe you owe me an apology," Said James.

"Yeah," Said Chips, "Say you're sorry."

Clarke was enraged. "You idiots!" he Yelled.

"Like you mean it!" Pex shouted as he shot him in the face. Clarke fell backwards into his chair, which rolled backwards, and caused him to fall off. That would've really hurt his tailbone had he been alive, but he was dead, so it was okay.

"Pex!" James whined, "I told you not to try to kill him unless he called anybody. Now security is probably going to come after us."

A little candle lit itself above Chips' head. "Unless we do something about it!" he jumped to the intercom and pressed the button. "Hi, this is Mister Clarke, and I just wanted to say that I'm not dead and no one shot me or stole anything… so… have a super-fun day!"

James laughed "Good Job, Chips…"

"Yeah," said Pex, impressed. "That was brilliant!"

"Anyway, let's get out of here." James ordered.

Butler heard the gunshot and stopped abruptly.

"They never left" muttered Artemis. Butler was not at all surprised by his immediate assessment of the situation.

"May we pursue them?" Artemis asked.

"I suppose." Replied Butler.

And they ran back the way they had gone.

When they reentered Clarke's office, they found him dead behind his desk.

"Look," Artemis said, holding up a slip of paper. "They didn't even take the written formula!"

"Oh crap." came a voice from outside, "I knew I forgot something."

"I thought that was just the receipt…" said another.

"That's alright, Pex," said the first.

"You're too late." Artemis said matter-of-factly. "I have the formula now. It was a pleasure doing business with you."

"DIE, FOWL!" Pex yelled, raising his gun. Chips quickly lowered it;

"Stop Killing!" he demanded. "There needs to be a better way! Besides we'll need all those bullets when the zombies attack!"

"DUDE! YOU DROPPED IT?" James started to panic.

Artemis let a laugh escape him. "Zombies? You must know that that's purely speculation. It's a bogus theory concocted by those who don't want me to have it."

"…I didn't make it up…" Chips said, defensively.

"Zombies aren't real," said Artemis, hoping beyond hope that he could knock some sense into these numbskulls.

"Hey!" Pex shouted, "We don't make fun of your dreams! …Mister… um…"

"Fish Biscuit!" James rushed in to save him.

"Yeah! FISH BISCUIT!"

Artemis rolled his eyes.

"Butler," he said, "We're leaving." Butler threw a smoke capsule on the floor and in a puff of smoke, Artemis and Butler had vanished.

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. b.t.w. In this Chapter, Artemis originally said "I was a pleasure doing business with you… ;_


	10. Zombies! Chapter 10

Zombies!

Chapter 10

"So, how'd it go?" asked Holly. Foaly had just left the conference room, with a look on his face that clearly said 'Not Well'.

"Not well," Replied Foaly. "The council says it's MY fault, and that I should deal with it on my OWN!"

"Holding you accountable for your own actions?" Holly sighed, "Sometimes the council can be so unreasonable."

"It's not my fault!" Foaly shouted defensively, "I don't even KNOW how it HAPPENED!"

"All right, all right, sheesh," said Holly, "I was only joking. Besides, I'll help you."

"But, you could lose your job…!"

"What Job? I quit, remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

"You do have the proper gear and stuff, right?"

"Of course, I think!"

"Well, then, let's go."

"Whoa!"

"Oh my God, they're NINJAS!"

Once the smoke cleared, James turned to Chips with a stern look on his face.

"Chips," he said, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Um," said Chips to his feet, "I… kinda' dropped the vial…"

"Wheeeerre?"

"Out the window…"

James stared at Chips, who did not lift his gaze from the floor.

"How…?" James started to ask, "Is…? Are you…? … Never mind. Let's go follow Artemis and see if we can't get the formula."

"Yessir…" Chips mumbled.

Pex looked angrily at Chips. "You're an idiot." He said, "…no pun intended…"

Artemis and Butler made their way down the street, which was more crowded than before.(as in there were actual people there) Artemis saw a dog drinking from a puddle. The dog then walked up to a pedestrian and casually bit him in the groin.

"I wish I had a camera." Said a voice from behind him. Artemis turned around, and sure enough, James was standing right behind him, or rather, was doubled over right behind him. "Oh, man… that is… Hil-LAR-IUOUS!"

Artemis decided to take action.

"Listen, I have the formula, and that is it. It's Mine now. End of Story."

"It's not nice to take things from people." Said Chips, defensively.

"Weren't you going to steal it, anyway?" Artemis snidely questioned.

"Not Me! James! And besides, he was already dead, so it's okay."

"I think you have a twisted set of morals."

"Barney says that you can't take anything from anyone unless you ask politely."

"And you asked him after you shot him in the head, did you?"

"Yes. …I Mean- that wasn't me, that was Pex!"

At the sound of his name, Pex lifted his machine gun and shot a round towards Artemis. Butler leaped in front of his just in time.

"You're WEL-come." Said Pex, once he was done. Artemis and Butler were unscathed. Artemis looked behind him. He saw the man with his crotch bitten out, dead on the ground.

"Why?" he asked, "For putting him out of his misery."

"No, Stupid!" Shouted Pex, "He was about to eat your brain!"

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	11. Zombies! Chapter 11

(you want) Zombies! (I'll give ya' Zombies!)

Chapter 11

Artemis did not appreciate being called an idiot-and by Pex, of all people!

"Look, this formula does NOT turn anything into a zombie!"

"Well," said Pex, matter-of-factly, "If you spill it on a carpet, IT won't turn into a zombie."

"ZOMBIES DON'T EXIST!" at this moment, another shot was fired. This time from Butler. He had shot an old man who was lunging toward Artemis. Artemis Stared.

"He was probably homeless, anyway." Said Butler in his defense. Until then, Artemis had never seen Butler actually kill anyone.

"I'm not as fast as I used to be, I don't think I could have prevented that attack without shooting him."

Artemis still thought that shooting his head was going to extremes, but never-the-less, Butler had never let him down before, It was probably best to trust him.

"Thank you, Butler. I understa-"

"LOOGOUT!" shouted Pex and chips simultaneously, for two different people. Butler and James instantly turned around to face two more zombies. James leapt back, pulled a gun out of his holster (don't ask how that got past more than five state lines.) and fired at his assailant's head, which blew the upper half of it to bits. The zombie fell down, dead…**_er_**.

Butler, on the other hand, in trying to prevent Artemis from seeing him murder anyone else, grabbed the attacker by the shoulders. The assailant hissed and tried desperately to tear into Butler's neck. As Butler held it's head safely away from his face, he noticed that the man's eyes had no pupils. He then proceeded to grab him by the neck, take his gun out, and shoot him in the face. As soon as he was finished, he yelled

"Artemis! We have to get out of here!"

As if by Magic, the Limo pulled up beside them. The automatic window rolled down to reveal the face of Artemis senior, who, oddly enough, was grinning.

"Think we over-stayed our welcome?" he asked. Juliet opened the door to the backseat from the inside.

"Hop in!"

Artemis knew his father wasn't too good of a driver, but that really didn't matter right now. He ran into the limo (as in, he ran _up_ to it, and stepped inside, not like, _ran_ into it) and so did Butler.

But before Mr. Fowl could get the limo going, James ran up to his window.

"Howdy there, Mr. Fowl, Mind if we tag along?"

"Um, who are you?"

"My name is James Morganstone, you know my father?"

"JIMMY! Yes, of course, Hop in!"

The door opened once more, and James, Pex, and Chips all literally hopped inside and shut the door.

"Some weather we're havin', huh?" asked Mr. Fowl, casually, as he drove away.

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	12. Zombies! Chapter 12

(Warning: hinted Foaly/Holly)

Chapter 12

Foaly opened the closet door, and pulled out two suits, one exceptionally larger than the other.

"Foaly-?" asked Holly, pointing at the larger suit, "Is that a centaur suit?"

"yes," Foaly said, as he tossed the smaller suit at her. "It is."

"So, You've been expecting this?"

"No, not really, it's just that… after Root died in that deceptively easy mission, I… I've learned to expect the worst…"

Holly said nothing, but went into the next room to change. She remembered that incident, as it was foremost in her memories. Root went to negotiate with a goblin, and Foaly said: "The worst that could happen is you'd stub your toe." He'd been teased about how wrong he was a lot now, by Sool.

As she buckled her last buckle, she noticed a ladder that went from the floor to a hole in the ceiling. That wasn't so weird, they were probably doing stuff with the electricity, she thought.

Or rather, she would have thought, had she not noticed the bloody footprints going down the hall and up the ladder.

"Are you finished?" asked Foaly from inside the room.

"Uuuummmmmmmm……"

"Need any help putting it on?" He asked more eagerly.

Holly laughed. "NO. I'm done, you can come out now."

Foaly opened the door with one hand, and in the other, he carried an assortment of firearms.

"I'm already carrying several medipacks and an antidote I haven't been able to test yet in the bag on my back, so you can…" He then noticed the blood going up the ladder. "Was that here before we went in the room?"

"I don't think so…" Holly walked up to the ladder, and shone a flashlight that she conveniently happened to have on her up the opening.

"Careful, Holly. Put your helmet on." Foaly handed Holly her helmet.

"Thanks, MOM." Said Holly sarcastically as she took the helmet and put it on.

"Hellooooooooooooooooo? ANYONE UP THERE! I'M WARNING YOU TO COME OUT!"

From above, there came a scuffle and a crash.

"So? How's your father been?" asked Mr. Fowl, friendlily as he drove on the wrong side of the road.

"Okay, considering he just Divorced my Lesbian Mother, Got stuck with Me, Two of his three best friends have died-"

"Not Simon and Richie!" Mr. Fowl exclaimed.

"Yes. Suicide, I'm afraid. They killed themselves after you got kidnapped… but it's not your fault."

"I never said it was my fault…"

"Well, you should have. Let's see, what- oh! I'm dropping out of private school."

"That's a shame."

"Good riddance, I say. I hated that place. Besides, if I go to public school, Pex and Chips can go with me. They don't allow bodyguards, but they both flunked out of Highschool, so it's okay."

Mr. Fowl was about to respond when he hit a pedestrian, and the victim flew over the car, which was luckily unfazed due to the bullet-proof glass.

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	13. Zombies! Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Oh my Goodness!" Mrs. Fowl exclaimed. Artemis Senior hit the breaks, and the car screeched to a halt. Mr. Fowl unbuckled his seatbelt, and walked back towards the victim.

"NO!" shouted Pex, Chips, Artemis, Butler, Juliet, and James simultaneously.

They all turned in their seats, they couldn't see the man that Mr. Fowl was talking to on the ground, nor could they hear it.

"Excuse me, sir? I'm dreadfully sorry for that. You see, in my rush I got a little carried away and… What's that? No, I don't know, sorry… Are you sure? Alright, then. Thank you, I will. Bye, now!" He waved to the man he had hit, and ran back to the car.

"…um…?" Artemis didn't know what to ask first. _'Did you notice you left your door wide open?' 'Do you **know** him?'_ or _'What the hell is wrong with you!'_

"Nevermind!" said Mr. Fowl, cheerfully, and continued driving.

It took about another two minutes for them to reach city limits, due to all of the traffic that accumulated at the gates.

"I wonder what's going on." wondered Mr. Fowl

"I hope we can still get out." Juliet said, as she reached for a bag of chips she had bought earlier.

Just then, a man on a platform spoke out over a megaphone.

"I AM SORRY TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE CITY GATES WILL BE CLOSIIIIIIIIIINGGGGG… NOW! WE HERE AT THE SHAMSDALE POLICE DEPARTMENT DEEPLY APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, AND ASK YOU TO PLEASE CONTACT THE MAYOR IF YOU HAVE ANY COMPLAINTS."

Mr. Fowl rolled the window down.

"Where's The Mayor's Office!"

"WHAT?"

"I said: WHERE'S THE MAYOR'S OFFICE!"

"OH. WELL, IF YOU TURN TO YOUR LEFT, IT'S DOWN OFF OF SACK STREET AND ONTO PORKHUND LANE. IT'S THE BUILDING WITH ALL THE FLAGS."

"THANK YOU!"

"NO PROBLEM."

"I'm going to give that mayor a piece of my mind! 'What kind of operation are you running here?' Closing the city before five! Madness I say!" shouted an irate Mr. Fowl as he rolled the window back up, turned the car around, and made his way down sack street.

Meanwhile, Pex, Chips, and James were still giggling about the name "sack street"

"Couldn't we just call 911 and ask for an emergency helicopter, or something?" Juliet suggested.

"Brilliant!" said Mr. Fowl, "You do that, and I'll keep driving."

Juliet took out her cell phone, and dialed 9-1-1, and waited.

The voice of George W. Bush answered the phone. "Hello, you have reached the nine-eleven hotline, the hotline dedicated to September 11th. If you have a specific tip regarding terrorist activity targeted at the President, press 1. Um, If… yo… tango… any… info… press-o uno… por favor…"

Juliet Hung up.

"It's not working! Some guy who doesn't speak Spanish answered!"

"That's odd. Who DOESN'T speak Spanish?"

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	14. Zombies! Chapter 14

Zombies!

Chapter 14

"Maybe it's further away than we think…" Foaly hoped aloud.

Just then, a face moved into the light that made Holly scream and Foaly make a high-pitched Whinnying sound. The face looked like that of a goblin corpse with its eyes dried up. Holly Shot it in the chest and it fell on top of her.

"HOLLY!" Foaly shouted, he did not want to lose her like he did Root. Luckily, he had his gun out as well, and was able to shoot the zombie in the head before it knocked her over, and on top of him.

"You all right?"

"Yeah, Foaly. I'm alright. Thanks…"

Once Foaly knew for sure that Holly was fine, he felt very proud of himself for shooting the zombie down, and would not stop mentioning it until the next one came, two minutes later.

-------Meanwhile-------

Meanwhile, James had noticed Juliet. Juliet noticed James noticing her. She held out her hand.

"Hello, I'm Juliet Butler…"

James shook her hand, and said

"Hormones- AH! NO! I DIDN'T JUST SAY HORMONES! -Get your mind out of the gutter, you dirty pervert-" Juliet laughed hysterically, leaning on her brother for support. Her brother, on the other hand, was looking less like a bodyguard and more like a bulldozer.

"I know!" exclaimed James, "I'll call my father!" He took out his cell-phone and called his father. After about fifty seconds he folded it back up. "he turned his cell phone off."

"Oh well…" Sighed Artemis's father, and he crashed into a building.

-------Meanwhile-------

After the second Zombie came, a lot more started to follow. They were starting to become overwhelmed.

"I think we should get outta' here!" Holly shouted.

"Good Plan!" Foaly looked around and pointed down the hall. "That Way!" and they ran.

"They're gaining on us!" Shouted Holly

"Nonsense!" Foaly confidently replied, "Zombies can never go very—HOLY HELL!" Foaly looked behind him, and saw about twelve zombies behind him, running about as fast as they were.

"D'arvit! How'd they get so Fast?" He sped up.

"I don't know!" She activated her wings for extra speed.

"These—These CAN'T be the same zombies I fought last time!"

"You really call running and Hiding fighting!"

"This is Hardly the Time to be—arguing about this!" He panted.

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	15. Zombies! Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Artemis, Butler, Angeline, Mr. Fowl, Pex, Chips, Juliet, and James all stood outside of the burning wreckage. (this story will go a lot faster if you stop asking questions like 'how'd they get out')

Artemis Sr. decided to finally break the silence:

"Anyone know how to change a tire?"

They all swung their heads in his direction, and stared at him, as if they could collectively make him smarter through their brain waves. All except for Pex and Chips, who were both raising their hands, eager to show off their car-maintenance savvy.

"I'm KIDDING!"

for some reason, no one believed him, (except for Pex and Chips, who laughed uneasily) but they didn't care at this point, as the zombies were beginning to surround them. James looked down at a manhole, and tried to struggle it open. Butler pushed him aside and flipped up the top.

"You know the drill!" Butler shouted and they all climbed into the sewer. Artemis went last. He hated this idea… but he hated being eaten alive by the undead even more, so he climbed down the ladder as well. Butler was fending off Zombies until they were all safely out of harm's way, then climbed down himself, closing the manhole as he went.

"My, this is lovely!" exclaimed Artemis sr. "I don't even see any rats!" At that exact moment, a dead rat floated past them in the sewage. Artemis took out his LEP communicator to call Holly, as he slowly crept away, in order to get some privacy. He didn't want to bother her, but several lives were at stake, so Artemis decided that Holly probably wouldn't mind.

"What game is that?" came a voice out of nowhere. Artemis jumped, but then saw that it was only James.

"It's not a game. It's a GPS, I'm trying to determine where we should go next."

"DISNEYWORLD!" Chips enthusiastically suggested

"SIX FLAGS!" Countered Pex

"TOKYO!" shouted James

"HONG KONG!" exclaimed Artemis sr. who wanted desperately to fit in.

"I MEAN…" Artemis yelled over them, "how we should get out of here."

"Still," pointed out Artemis sr. "Disney World does sound like fun. We should go there after all of this."

"If we're still alive…" Artemis mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"As long as you don't drive."

Artemis's father laughed heartily.

Artemis decided to text message Holly, instead. There was no way he could get these imbeciles to shut up long enough to talk to her properly. Besides, James would probably ask why Artemis had named his GPS 'Holly'.

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	16. Zombies! Chapter 16

Zombies!

Chapter 16

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Holly's phone rang. She stopped to answer it. Foaly looked at her incredulously.

"It's Artemis! And he's in town!"

"What?"

"I should answer this."

"Oh for the love of--" he pulled her into a closet, went into it himself, and shut the door.

"Um… Foaly. You're touching me."

"It's kind of hard Not to!" exclaimed Foaly "Well, uh, what I meant was… limited space, not like, anything, um…"

"Holly?" Artemis's voice saved Foaly from making the situation more awkward.

"Holly, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question. And I'm going to. What are you doing here?"

"My family's on vacation." He lied.

"You're lying" Holly squinted at the monitor, at a very offended-looking Artemis.

"Why would I lie about something like that?"

"Out of Habit?" suggested Holly

"**_OOOHH!"_** Foaly exclaimed, **_"Burn!"_**

"Yes, hello, Foaly. Holly, I need your help."

"Well we're kind of in the middle of something…"

"Oh! I apologize if I've interrupted anything… but this is a matter of life and death."

"So is ours!"

Artemis looked confused. He cleared his throat and said: "Aren't you… in a closet? Together?"

"In a closet, together, hiding from zombies!"

"Ahhhh! I see." Artemis sighed in relief "Forgive me for jumping to conclusions."

"So," Holly asked, "What's your 'problem'?"

"The same thing, actually." Replied Artemis

"You mean you're also stuck in a closet hiding from zombies as well?"

"Close. I'm in the sewer."

"Bravo." Foaly ribbed, "Well done, indeed."

"How is a closet close to a sewer?" asked Holly.

Artemis Searched his head for an answer, but none came, so he said nothing.

"Is Butler there?" Holly inquired.

"He is." Artemis turned around to hand the phone to Butler, but found himself face-to-face with James, who, to Artemis's dismay, was leaning forward and grinning maniacally.

"So?" James straightened himself up, "Who's Holly?"

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books. _


	17. Zombies! Chapter 17

**Zombies!**

**Chapter 17**

"Holly is… My mother." Artemis replied, though he instantly regretted it, as his mother stood just behind James.

James slowly turned his head to make sure that Artemis's mother was still with them, and slowly turned his head back to Artemis, giving him a questioning look.

"Excuse me?" prompted Artemis.

"…Your mother's over there. And she hasn't been talking on the phone."

"I _said_; "Holly is my _Grandmother_"."

James was mildly taken aback. It wasn't rare for him to mishear people, but he could have sworn Artemis had said 'Mother'. He stared at him awhile, but Artemis didn't relent. Finally, he turned to Pex and Chips for their opinion.

"He said "mother", didn't he?" James was met with blank stares.

"Um…"

"We were playing the shoulder game…"

They had indeed been playing the shoulder game. Determined to win the argument, James played what he had heard over in his head.

_Holly, what are you doing here? ...My family's on vacation… Why would I lie about something like that? …OOOHH! Burn!Yes, hello, Foaly. Holly, I need your help… Oh! I apologize if I've interrupted anything… but this is a matter of life and death… Aren't you… in a closet? Together? …Ahhhh! I see… Forgive me for jumping to conclusions… The same thing, actually… Close. I'm in the sewer… How is a closet close to a sewer? …Is Butler there?_

He opened his mouth to ask just who this 'Foaly' guy was, and what he was doing in his "grandmother's" closet… if nothing else, it would make him uncomfortable.

"Hello?" came a voice from the phone, "Butler, is that you?" then a second voice came on; "If you're under attack, feel free to call back later."

Just then, Butler took the cell phone from Artemis's hand.

"Hello. Yes, this is he. … Of course." He then proceeded to walk away, talking softly, so that James couldn't hear.

"_**so**_… What's up?"

"Pardon me?" Artemis acted as if they had never been talking.

"About…" James had started to forget what they had been talking about, as well. "That, um… _**Oh!**_ Who's **Foaly!**" He pointed a finger accusingly at Artemis, who took no regard of it.

"My _great-uncle_, Foaly." He said.

"Oh, you'd _like_ that, _wouldn't_ you?"

"Forgive me for asking, but are you retarded?"

James took a while to answer.

"what do you mean, _retarded?_" he asked, showing an even higher level of suspicion.

"Are you _mentally_ _challenged_? Are you "special"? Does _thinking_ **hurt**?" a very condescending Artemis belittled.

"Listen to me, Fowl," James growled, closing in on him threateningly, "_You_ think _I'm_ stupid, but _I_ know you're up to something. I'd watch my back if I were you."

"If you were _me_, _you_ wouldn't _be_ in this situation. _Everything_ would have gone _according to plan_. There would be _no zombies_. And **neither** of us would be in a _sewer!_" Artemis's last four words echoed throughout the tunnels, and James's face flushed.

It was the first time James had ever heard Artemis raise his voice, but he acted as if he wasn't surprised.

"Listen," he said, still glaring at Artemis, "arguing won't get us anywhere, neither will _sitting_ here waiting for _help_ that will never _come_. What we need to do _now_ is determine _where_ we are, and _what_ direction we need to _go in_ to get the _Hell_ out of _this city_."

Artemis death-glared James, but before he could retaliate, a voice came from behind him.

"He's right, you know."

Artemis looked up to face his father, who was smiling, despite the situation.

"We got into this together, we'll get out of it together."

"Well said, Mr. Fowl." replied James, still glaring at Artemis, only now with a smirk on his face.

Artemis tried to think of something to say to James that would infuriate him without displeasing his father. However, he couldn't think of anything, and was about to give up, when Butler spoke.

"We're in luck. There's a hospital just 3.22 kilometers from here. All we need to do is find route 7-F, and follow that to their under-ground parking lot."

"Oh, that's over there." Chips pointed toward a tunnel.

"_Oh, is it?_" Artemis asked, skeptically.

"Yep." Replied Pex, "S_ee?_ It says it right there." He pointed to the left of the tunnel entrance. **7-F Hospital 2 mi** was spray-painted on the left of the tunnel entrance in green.

* * *

_Artemis, Butler, Pex, Chips, Foaly, Holly, and all characters of the Artemis Fowl Book series are copyright **Eoin Colfer**, and should be treated as such. I have tried my hardest to capture their reactions to the situations that I make them suffer through based on the descriptions that Mr. Colfer has put in his books._


	18. Zombies! Chapter 18

**Zombies!**

**Chapter 18**

After about two hours of walking single-file down the little cement pathway next to the river of sewage… Although filthy in its own right, it was still incredibly convenient. They all used their cell-phones as flashlights, as the only light came from the drains that appeared every nine meters, and the sun was starting to go down.

Anyway, after two hours, they finally came to the manhole that lead to the Hospital's Parking Lot. Butler closed his cell-phone and climbed the ladder. He stopped and listened very hard. He heard dripping noises, but that was normal in a sewer. Then he heard something strange. He concentrated very hard on that sound in particular… Someone was humming "It's a Small World After All"

Rather then telling Chips to shut up, he silently climbed down the ladder, and slapped the back of his head.

He climbed back up the ladder and opened the man hole. He swept the area with his eyes.

"Alright, the coast is clear."

Then Artemis, Mrs. Fowl and Mr. Fowl went up the ladder, but as soon as Juliet had gotten halfway up, a strange gurgling noise came from the sewage. (mind you, it's always strange when sewage gurgles…)

With a loud splash and a gargled moan, a bald zombie in a jogger's outfit rose out of the sludge. Pex, Chips and James shouted in unison before springing into action

"How _Long_ Was It _Down_ There?!" asked Chips, loudly.

"_Shoot_ It! _Shoot_ It! _Shoot _It!" James commanded, pointing to the zombie. (in case Pex or Chips got confused)

Pex fumbled for his gun, which he had ready in his hand the entire time… and shot the zombie in the upper left corner of Its head. Enough to cause it to fall back into the sewage with a loud splash.

Juliet had stopped climbing to watch the whole thing, but James leapt to the ladder from where he was standing, waved his had, and said _**"**Up, up, up, up, **up!"**_

Within seconds, everyone was in the parking lot and the Manhole was closed.

* * *

_Everyone but James is copyright Eoin Colfer, and he should get the credit for his characters, not me, obviously... "It's a Small World After All" is owned by Disney..._

**I've decided to make the the story set in-between the Opal Deception and the Lost Colony**


	19. Zombies! Chapter 19

Meanwhile, Foaly and Holly were still trapped in the closet with nearly fifty raging zombies gnawing and scratching at the door. The good news was that the zombies couldn't get in, that door was impenetrable. The bad news was, they couldn't get out, either; the zombies had squeezed together to form a five-foot thick wall of ravenous, undead monsters.

"They're on they're way," Holly said once Butler had hung up. Now, how do we get to this "escape pod" you were talking about."

"Actually, it's an escape Shuttle," Responded Foaly, "and it's on the top floor. That's five floors up."

"Why couldn't we get stuck in an elevator?" Holly grumbled, and she stood up and stretched her legs.

"So," she said grumpily, "what are we supposed to do? Just wait here 'til Butler shows up to blast them all?"

"Or… You could blast them!" suggested Foaly, cheerily.

"Oh, yeah!" said Holly, sarcastically, "Why don't I just open the door and- oh, wait, I can't!"

"Forget about the door!" Foaly said, pointing to the new weapon he had given Holly.

"Ya' see that Neuro-blaster?"

"Yeah?"

"It's got five settings." Bragged Foaly, "Stun, pulverize, destroy, and obliterate!"

Holly raised an eyebrow. She was both shocked and excited. Shocked because Foaly usually wasn't into the death-ray-guns… and excited because she couldn't wait to use it.

"Which setting would you suggest?" She asked, casually.

"Either destroy or obliterate…"

Holly set it to destroy, took aim, and then set it to obliterate, just in case. She pulled the trigger, and a huge white light shot out of the gun, and grew to almost the full size of the door in radius. The blast threw back the door against the zombies, and as they flew backwards, they disintegrated.

"Woah." Holly was amazed. She couldn't remember having that much destructive force at her finger tips.

"THAT was AWESOME!!" Foaly shouted. He stood up and walked out into the hallway. A shallow trench had been burned into the floor. "And practically no toxic residue!" he exclaimed.

_Everyone in this chapter is copyright Eoin Colfer. You should read his books, they're good… 'cause if they weren't, I doubt I'd be writing fan-fiction about them… but then again, maybe I would… My mind is a complicated thing…_


	20. Zombies! Chapter 20

**Zombies!**

**Chapter 20**

With the manhole shut, the gang was free to take in their surroundings. They were in a large, dark, parking-lot-like structure, underground, that much was obvious. They stood underneath one of the hanging lights, it was obviously eco-friendly, because it didn't give off much light. The other hanging lights were few and far between, and between them, it was almost too dark to see.

"OooOoohh…" Pex moaned like a ghost,

"Stop it!" shouted Chips, who was afraid of ghosts. His shout echoed about five times, when it was done, everyone heaved a sigh of relief.

But then, they heard a loud scratching noise, followed by the sound of something being dragged. They all huddled together, facing outward, Pex, Chips, James, Butler, and Juliet had their weapons drawn. The scratches echoed, and no one had any idea where the noise was coming from, except for Butler. The problem was, he couldn't see it.

Simultaneously, Foaly was checking a monitor on the wall. He had logged on and was fiddling with the controls of the building.

"They'll probably want the lights on when they get here…" Foaly said as he turned on all of the parking lot lights. "Oh, look, they're already here…" When Holly heard this, she looked over Foaly's shoulder, and pointed at the monitor.

"And they've brought company!" She said.

All of a sudden, all of the lights were turned on, and the crew could see everything around them. This included the security toll booth, the elevator, and the 117 dwarf and goblin zombies that were now turning their focus on them.

Artemis tried to swallow, but his throat was too dry.

"Why are they so small?" whispered Pex.

"I don't know," Chips whispered back.

"They're zombies," declared James, "why does it matter? We're going to kill them anyway."

Butler and Juliet formed a human wall around Artemis, which kind of annoyed him, because now he couldn't see. Mr. and Mrs. Fowl held each other dramatically. By this time, the zombies figured out what it was they were looking at; Food. A hissing, rattling noise came from one on the zombies mouths, and they all started to crawl towards them.

James took out his pistol, turned to Pex and said,

"I want you to get the grenades ready. We need to blow a path to the elevator."

When Butler heard this, he, without budging from Artemis, tapped Pex on the shoulder, and held out his hand.

Pex looked at Butler's hand, then at James. James nodded, and Pex handed the grenade over to Butler.

"They're going to blast their way to the elevator," Foaly said as he began to log off. "Except, that's a civilian grenade, so it won't do as much damage, but it should give them enough time to get to the elevator and board it, but not enough time to wait for it."

"So what do we do?"

"We use the elevator, go down, wait for the bang, open the doors for them, press the emergency shut button, and go all the way up."

"But what about that other mud boy?"

Foaly stopped to think.

"We can mind-wipe him later."

"You know who he is with?"

"Of course I do," Foaly chuckled, "That was the most fun mission I'd been on."

"_Been On_?" mused Holly, "You never left the operations booth!"

"That doesn't matter," Foaly replied as he pushed the 'down' button on the wall next to the elevator, "Artemis _and_ _You_, _yourself_ said you couldn't do it without me! And _I_ was risking an awful lot in doing that for you."

Holly looked up into Foaly's eyes,

"What do you think I'm doing _now_?"

The elevator dinged.

Foaly blinked in realization, and opened his mouth to speak, but then the elevator doors opened, and what happened next took precedence over what would have been a very sappy apology.

_As Usual, everyone but James is copyright Eoin Colfer. If you haven't read his books, and you like this story, you're missing out…_


	21. Zombies! Chapter 21

**Zombies!**

**Okay, let me give this "commenting" thing a try…This chapter Marks the halfway point of this fanfic, so if I keep updating at this pace, then I should be done by 2012!WARNING: FOALYxHOLLYWARNING: VIOLENCE**

**Chapter 21**

With a gentle 'ding', the doors opened, and five zombies leapt onto Foaly, and began tearing at him with their teeth, and two of them were dwarves. Foaly whinnied furiously, and tried to buck them off, but all that did was send their limbs flying. Holly couldn't believe what she was seeing, which must have been why she didn't react until it was too late.

"HOLLY!!" He shouted, "I'm Sorry! Please! …HELP!!" when he said that last word, a goblin zombie bit into his throat. Holly fumbled for her gun, subconsciously wondering why it was taking her so long to react while her best friend's life was practically ending before her.

She looked at the settings, and turned them to a thin vaporization ray, and took aim. She realized that Foaly was now on the ground, in a pool of his own blood. Holly snapped out of it, and vaporized every zombie that was on him.

She knelt down and put her hand on his shoulder, Foaly looked up at her with one eye, open, for the other was bleeding. He opened his mouth, and coughed out even more blood.

"Holly," he whispered hoarsely. (no pun intended)

"It's okay, Foaly," She said, gripping his shoulder tighter and fighting back the tears, "I'm here."

"Holly?" spluttered weakly, "I can't see you…"

"Don't worry," Holly reassured him, while at the same time scanning the hall for zombies, "Just hang in there…"

"Holly…" Foaly reached out his hand, (which had a huge bite mark near the thumb) but couldn't find Holly's hand. She grabbed it.

"Holly," he continued, "If I die—"

"You're not gonna' Die, Foaly." Holly laughed weakly, "You're such a drama quee—"

"If I die," interrupted Foaly, "I want you to know… I love you."

Holly stared at him for what seemed like an hour, but was really less than a minute. Foaly raised his eyebrows, hoping for some kind of reaction.

"…oh." She finally said. She took her hand off of his shoulder, because he looked like he'd get by with the healing she gave him. (She wanted to save her last bit of magic incase it happened again)

Foaly, realizing how awkward the situation was now that he was neither dead nor dying, plopped his head down and closed his eyes with a last, rattling breath.

"Foaly," Holly pushed him, "Get up." Foaly slowly opened one eye, but tightly shut them both when he saw that Holly was standing directly above him.

"I know you're not dead." She nudged him with her boot.

It took a loud, explosion sound from below to break the moment. The first grenade had been thrown.

_Artemis Fowl and all characters in this chapter are belong to Eoin Colfer. He set us up the bomb._


	22. Zombies! Chapter 22

**Zombies!**

**Guess what videogame I got? Dead Rising for the X-box 360!! It's awesome! My favorite weapon (so far) is the electric guitar **

**Chapter 22**

"Which button is up?" asked a very flustered Chips, "There aren't any arrows!"

"Just press the button on top!" Shouted James, who was on his way over with Pex and the Fowls. When they got there, the elevator doors opened with a familiar, comforting 'ding' and they all piled in.

Butler counted everyone in his head. They were missing someone… Mr. and Mrs., Fowl!

As if reading her brother's mind, Juliet leapt out of the elevator exclaiming;

"I'll get them!"

Everyone in the elevator yelled "JULIET!" as if in protest (except for Pex and Chips, who screamed "BLONDE GIRL!") but did nothing to hold her back.

Juliet kicked a zombie in the face, taking of its head. She grabbed another zombie by the throat, and punched its face in—literally.

"dude." Said Pex, to which Chips replied;

"That. Is. Awesome."

"I think I'm in love." James stated, as he wiped away an imaginary tear of admiration.

Forty seconds later, Mr. Fowl was helping Juliet drag Angeline into the elevator. She had fainted earlier, that's what took then so long in the first place. Juliet tucked Angeline's feet in, so they could close the door. It was then that Artemis and James noticed that Mr. Fowl's tie was now wrapped around Mrs. Fowl's ankle.

"Oh, crap." Said James aloud, "Your mom's been bitten."

"Oh, she'll be all right." Mr. Fowl replied as cheerily as he could. His voice was shaking almost as much as his hands were.

"NO!" cried Chips, "She's—She's gonna' be a… a Zombie!" He sniffed and blinked away the tears.

"Dude," Pex tried to comfort him, "We've got guns—if she comes back to life, we'll blow her head off."

"Don't you even dare!" Mr. Fowl growled, "We can bring her back… even if it takes everything I have left!"

Chips leaned over and whispered "Crrrrrrrraaaaaaazzzzyyyy."

"It's always the rich white men." Pex sighed, not entirely sure what he had just said.

"That's racist." Chips told him

"YER FACE IS RACIST!!" retaliated Pex. Right at that moment, the doors opened with a gentle ding, which startled everyone but Artemis and the Butlers. They were more startled by the scene that awaited them. Then again, that shocked everyone else, too.

Foaly was laying in a pool of his own blood, looking mortified, Holly was sitting beside him, looking exhausted. When James saw them, it was like someone had punched him in the stomach without actually punching him, and not in the stomach, either. When he finally caught his breath, he pointed directly at Foaly and shouted; "It's a CENTAUR!! OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! DUDE!! DUDE!! CENTAUR!!"

"That's racist." Chips told him

James laughed maniacally at his comment, and jumping up-and-down, he screamed

"OH, THIS IS SOO COOL!! ZOMBIES AND CENTAURS AND ELVES, OH MY!!"

_Artemis Fowl and all characters in the novel are belong to Eoin Colfer. 'cept for James, he's a spaz._


	23. Zombies! Chapter 23

**Zombies!**

**I have been uber busy with school and such, lately. **

**Chapter 23**

"Should I stun them?" Holly asked Foaly.

"Don't worry," gasped Foaly, "I got… a portable… mind swiper." He held up a device that looked like a large pen.

"He's a Man in Black!" Pex exclaimed pointing to the mind swiper, which looked a lot like the memory erasing gadget from the movie Men In Black.

"What happened?" Asked Artemis.

"I tripped." Replied Foaly sarcastically.

"That would explain the blood." Chips commented (NOT sarcastically)

"What's going on here?" Mr. Fowl asked, "Do you know these people?"

"Well… kind of…" Artemis answered, gingerly.

Around that time Angeline woke up, took one look at Holly, shut her eyes, and opened them again, hoping to see something more normal. Instead she saw Foaly. Not wanting to hear an explanation, she let her head drop back into her husband's lap.

Foaly was grumpy and wanted to get to the escape jets immediately. Counsel would chew his ass out for not getting rid of the zombies like they told him, but at least he'd be alive.

"She," he announced, pointing at Holly, "Saved Your life, and Artemis's Almost as many times as Butler has. And without me, none of us would be here" (what Foaly meant, is that without his inventions, they all would have died by now)

"Yeah," Holly said, also grumpily, "We wouldn't, would we?"

"What?!" the flustered centaur tried to stand, but his front leg wobbled and slid away from him, causing him to sink back to the floor. Trying not to let on that he was hurt, he continued his rant "I did not release the virus-"

"Neither did I!"

"I wasn't saying you did!"

Before Holly could retaliate, a polyphonic ring-tone chimed: "Vote or Die, Mother-Fucker! Mother-Fucker, Vote or Die! Rock the Vote or else I'm gonna' sti— "

"Hello?" James answered his cell phone. "DAD!" He put the call on speaker so it could be heard by the whole company.

"Where the HELL are you?!"

"Oh, I'm in—"

"I know where the Hell you are! What the Hell are you doing in Maine?! The whole Fuckin' STATE is blocked off!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously! They're goin' through this real careful evacuation, traffic's backed up for miles. They say in about ten hours, they're gonna' nuke the quarantined area."

"That's where we are!"

"I figured as much. Could ya' put Pex and or Chips on the line?"

"We can hear you." They answered in unison.

"Ya' know, this never would'a happened with any of the other body guards."

"We know…" they said again, in unison.

"you're gonna' have ta' figure a way outta' this yourself. I can't get further than 80 miles outside the Maine border as it is. The army's here and everything. The place is tighter than Fort Knox."

"Have they secured airspace?" James and Artemis asked, this time in unison. Hearing things said by Pex and Chips at the same time wasn't strange, (unless it was something intelligent) but coming from Artemis and James, it was just weird. They looked at each other as if to say "that was MY line!"

"Who's that with you?" Mr. Morganstone asked, for he recognized the second voice, but from a very long time ago.

"Artemis" said the second voice, confirming all his suspicions, "Artemis Fowl."

_Artemis Fowl and all characters in the novel are belong to Eoin Colfer. 'cept for James, and his dad. The ring tone is from an episode of South park. _


End file.
